Poverty Cereal
Looking back at my formative years, I realized that I had a very fulfilling life. I was provided with almost everything that a young boy could need. That is, except for one small yum-yum-in-my-tum-tum item. Name Brand CEREAL! For whatever reason we always ended up with a far less fun box of Capn Munch (Crap so poor it couldn’t afford the T or the apostrophe.) or the bottom shelf bag of Fruit Rings. During particularly dark times, we would have boxes (my parents always bought “good deals” in bulk) labeled just “Bran” as in no F-ing raisins! The raisins were purchased separate and had to be added to the Bran.
Now I’m not one to let my parents’ missteps, in my dietary upbringing, stunt me as an adult. You will never hear me scream in anger “I’m this way because you fed me Poor Kids cereal and that’s why you’re in THIS nursing home”. Our website analytics have told me that you, our devoted reader are in your mid to late 20’s and probably have a child, likely, with no baby daddy. Therefore, I can also assume that you are buying Poor Kid’s cereal. So, I have decided to help you out with a quick guide on how to fool your child into thinking that they are getting the proper cereal.
1: Bait and Switch- Buy a box of the good cereal, now pull out that bag and save it for you. You’re selfish and we all know it so, it’s ok that your kids come second. That’s why you are buying them poor kids’ cereal anyway. Anyway, replace the good cereal bag with your poor kids’ cereal.
2: Secondary Container- Place the cereal into that Tupperware cereal box you stole from your mom. Tell your kids it will keep their cereal fresher (locking in that cardboard flavor) YUM!
That’s all, I know you thought there would be more but there’s not. Simple people need simple goals, now go about Winning!
Tags: Bran, Cap'n Munch, Cereal, Fruit Rings, Kellogs, kids, poor, Post, Poverty, Winning
Do the analytics really say that? Hilarious either way! I like your list of 2 things.