You’re still here too?
A recent event has just passed and I could not be more mad about it. The foretold rapture that was so ballyhooed and held up in front of me as a device to judge my Christ-ness, became a non-event faster than I can get a hallelujah, by saying ‘Can I get a Hallelujah’! Not being sure if I would be taken or not (which probably means that I wasn’t going to be), I made definitive plans for the day after. To make the most of what I would be left with, I reviewed Kirk Cameron’s epic Left Behind series. After all, these movies are the definitive guide to the whole rapture process and the only road map anyone in this situation can follow. So, as all my plans are, this one was AWESOME! Awesome enough that I had to share it with you.
In military time, as that is how the new One World Government will make us tell time.
10:00 – Wake up late. No reason to end you slackerness just for a world changing event.
10:30 – Eat a breakfast that will include bacon. You don’t know if the OWG will ban this in the future.
11:00 – Look for a new car. I’m gonna need something fast and sexy to attract all the heathen chicks.
12:00 – Lunch at McDonalds. I always wanted to work there and now I can be self employed at my very own store.
13:00 – Looting. Now I can have what the corporate man owes me. A giant flat panel TV to watch all then new shows the OWG will make to brainwash me.
15:00 – Try on other piles of clothes. Why the hell not, it’s not like I changed out of my pj’s to find a new car or to go looting in.
17:00 – Dinner on a yacht. Whether or not I have a throng of heathen chicks, this will happen.
19:00 – Cocktails on the sidewalk. What’s more classy than an impromptu wet bar complete with tiki cups and smokes.
20:00 – Bed. You’ve got to end the day at some point and I’ve got to keep my energy up for the next day’s plan.
There you have it, an awesome plan, feel free to pull this out for the next rapture.
Tags: heathen, Kirk Cameron, Left behind, McDonalds, Rapture, Tiki