Your new pigeon hole
In this day and age of 24hr media and ever escalating political rhetoric, labels are being thrown around with sheer abandon. We have no clear understanding of what a defining term means anymore and I for one am finally fed up. I can no longer sit (notice I’m not standing) by and not know what poor means and who these people are. To put an end to this madness I would like to propose a standardized list from which to build. This list will be updated as times change and idiots die. To get us started here are the labels that we will be changing.
Poor- Someone without high speed internet or the ability to get it. Someone with a cell phone that is more than 3 yrs old is poor, as are owners of anything Nextel.
Sickly- People with food allergies that prevent the rest of their social group from enjoying life.
Freak- People without tattoos or other interesting life-propelling quirks, who are reliving their parents stated life, right down to the number of children they have.
Cougar- This label from now on will be replaced with “Your Mom”. They are one in the same now, deal.
Under Employed- Those on welfare that are currently doing nothing to make a living wage. Conversely bums are not Under Employed, as it is hard work trying to convince people at the bottom of the freeway off ramps to give you money.
Homophobe- Foodies who do not eat homogenized/ processed food for the fear that it may not contain food.
Athletic- Someone with the ability to stand in a line for Harry Potter tickets for over an hour and not complain about it.
Elitist- People who own more than 2 Apple products and can easily switch between Mac and Windows based software. This label will from now on be replacing yuppies, due to the fact that you need a college education to achieve this and are obviously not poor.
Terrorist- Anyone in America who does not participate in the normal activities or rituals of our society. A good example of this is my sister-in-law. She will not eat the raw cake, cookie, or brownie batter left in the bowl after panning these items up. Therefore she is a Terrorist!
Now I expect this list to grow, I have only provided a starting point for you. I command you to go out look around and start labeling people. Hopefully we will all come to an understanding of what or who someone is and finally end this confusion.
Tags: Athletic, cougar, Elitist, Freak, Homophobe, Nextel, poor, Sickly, Terrorist, Under Employed