So I experienced my first car accident this week. Not really the first time I’ve been in one, just the first one where I was driving. It was a slow-moving collision between my 4,000 lb car and the cable barrier that divides the highway median via Winter’s ice. Which reminds me…Hey, Michigan. I love you but we’re gonna have to get together for a come-to-jesus about this ridiculous winter. I realize that snow & ice are your thing, but I’m over it. It’s not me, it’s you. What are you looking at, Falco? Ice is ice. I don’t care if you think ice racing, this weekend, will help my driving skills. Sometimes the laws of physics trump your skills. Boom! I just scienced you! Well, I don’t know which law? What, like you want a number or something? All of them. Whatever. Leave me alone; I’m telling a story.
I digress. Where was I? Oh, yeah. My accident. No worries, amigos. Tita B wasn’t hurt & no other cars were involved. I posted a pic of the damage on FB, cuz that’s where you go when life happens and you want the world to show you sympathy. Or Twitter. Or your own snarky blog. First world problems. So, I call my big sis to tell her that I was all right. Her genuine concern for me was touching, but she said the most wrong thing she could possibly say to me. “You should go to ER. You might have whiplash.” Now, those of you who know me, know that I can sometimes get a little crazed with potential life-threatening hazards. I wouldn’t go so far as to call it hypochondria. Let me enlighten you to a little know fact. Germs (just like evil) are very real and they’re EVERYWHERE. If you’re not careful, they will find you and start an infestation! You may see a scratch, but that’s an abscess in suspension. You may think that monkey is cute, but that’s how outbreaks of disease and poo-throwing begin. Yes, that small, little, eyelid twitch could really be a mild stroke or some kind of palsy. I certainly don’t need to hear that I should go to the ER, today, for something that may or not present itself in a few days. That was the outward-facing Tita B. But, inside… the seeds were planted.
Hey, gang, it’s Herr Falco, taking over this post. Tita B does not have whiplash… nor a concussion. But I was made to be on Death Watch, while she took a nap. DEATH WATCH!
Get outta here, dude! This is my story! You knew what this was all about before the wedding. Deal. Anyway, I’m fine now. Thanks for your kind tweets, friends.