While perusing the local megabookstore, I was struck by something in the teen area—the sweet smell of vampires. What’s wrong with that, you may ask? I’ll tell you. Vampires don’t smell sweet, they’re effing undead. At best, they probably smell like the feed corn your dad kept in the basement after a couple of years [...]
I love live music, and I especially love finding a cool spot that I haven’t been to before. As I was enjoying my last foray into medium-density metal, a young fellow bought me a beverage. As is customary, I consented to let him hang out, as the kids say. Sadly, his game consisted of telling [...]
Because I am nothing if not a nurturing and supportive betty, I brought a friend to her first yoga class. I’m conversant in yoga. I speak it. I stretch it. It’s kind of my bag, baby. My friend had just undergone an invasive procedure, resulting in a stitch (not the muscle cramp, but the needle [...]
This is a heartfelt missive/public service announcement to all those hapless but well meaning males posting profiles on dating sites. One site in particular–I’ll call it inharmonious.com–requires a lengthy and somewhat grueling introspective questionnaire designed to reward the effort by pairing you with a magically delicious partner. Here’s what I want to know—where is the [...]