Author Archives: Mr. G Duder Snark Esq.

Oops I spoiled it again…

Dear everyone on the internet who is an idiot: I know, I know, that’s a lot of people so let me narrow that down. Dear everyone who goes on the internet and/or uses social media before they have seen a … Continue reading

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In Defense of the email spammers…

I know what you are thinking… Duder, you’re going to defend email spammers?  You’re going to say it’s okay to send me countless emails about Viagra, Pet meds and male enhancement devices?  Well, kinda…   You see it’s not that I … Continue reading

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It’s Facebook… Not Dear Diary!

So I love Facebook as much as the next loser who needs continued validation from random people you knew in high school but didn’t necessarily like.  I love going there after a bad day and reading that others had a … Continue reading

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Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies

Hey Snark Luva’s.   I’m pulling something out of the old archive file that I keep buried deep in my brain.  This story pre dates Snarkward but is too entirely ridiculous to not share with all you faithful readers out there.  … Continue reading

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Cheer up… It’s not the end of the world!

I was just at the bank and overhead this conversation:

Teller: Hi ma’am how are you doing today?

Customer: I’m having a bad day because your ATM outside would not take this check and I had to walk all the way in here!

If your day is completely ruined by the fact that you had to walk an extra fifteen feet, then something else is going on in your life and you probably need a hug.

G Duder

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Here’s looking at you… Douche.

So I work with this douche bag. Sorry, I should probably clarify, I work with about 200 douche bags, but some of them a more bag than douche. This is not one of those people. This guy is all douche. I mean 100% grade A, FDA certified, corn fed, DOUCHE. So this guy, we’ll call him Mr. Mega Douche or MMD for short. He sits in a cubicle right next to me. I should also point out that he is one of only four people in our area. An area that is situated in a large closet/storage room. Seriously, they still use this room that we sit in to store bags of garbage. Which by the way is awesome for morale. Needless to say this is a very small space so everyone gets to be cozy. The good news is, the other two gents who share the room with me are great. The bad news is that MMD is irritating enough to destroy any non suck that we have going on in our room. Continue reading

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This is not a tribute

Usually snark is tough. Sometimes it cuts like a knife. Often it’s funny, though from time to time it can just be mean. Trust me, the Duder is guilty of that off and on. But the fact is, snark should be truth. The truth about what you feel, because snark, be it mean, spiteful, or just plain fun comes from the heart. Please bear with me. I do think there is some coherent point to my seemingly mindless ramblings. You see, the Duder always tries to write what he feels, again “snark is from the heart” (I should really get that on a t-shirt) and today the Duder is saddened.
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Shopping Misadventures

Recently, I went shopping with Mrs. Sassy Sassmouth. It was our annual Christmas shopping trip, which by the way after we finish, I spend the next 364 days dreading. Now don’t get me wrong, the dread has nothing to do with Sassy, my partner in snark. I love spending time with her and to be completely honest, I also enjoy shopping. What I do not however enjoy is dealing with snotty-nose degenerate kids who run like wild dogs in the street of some third world country village. But I digress, on to the story. Continue reading

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2nd Base on a 1st Date with a Phlebotomist

Yesterday the Duder had to go get his blood drawn to check out the old cholesteral levels, which first of all let me point out is not one of my favorite things to do. But the Duder does care about his health and knows he needs to get it done. To start out everything was going as planned. I checked in at the med center and they sent me into the blood draw room (I know sounds cozy, huh?). I’m sitting there nervously, because I am terrified of needles. yes the big G Duder is terrified of needles, I know make fun, whatevs. Anyway, the phlebotomist, which I believe is a fancy term for needle poking blood drawer, verifies my medical info and then precedes to look for a vein. Continue reading

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Garfield got it wrong

Sure I will be the first to admit that the fat feline usually speaks the truth. He’s OGN (that’s Original Gangsta Snark for those of you not in the know) to the maximum. But in this instance he has made a grievous error in his tyrannical yet still comical preaching of the snark. You see he always tells us that Monday’s are the worst thing in the world. The bastard step child of the week. Hated most among it’s compatriots and I think mistakenly this is believed to be truth among most Americans. Continue reading

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