What a sad state of affairs when one of the day’s biggest news stories is that Bachelor Jake Pavelka broke up with faux fiancee Vienna Girardi. Is anyone ACTUALLY surprised by this? Why do they care? I just died a little inside… Facebook
Dear Damon Lindelof & Carlton Cuse: Thank you for wasting six years of my life. After years of unanswered questions, I assumed you’d deliver on answering the most important questions in the finale. I even kept telling frustrated friends, many of whom stopped watching your show long ago because of all the unanswered questions, that you [...]
OK, peeps. So this is an ACTUAL email I got from my aunt this morning — who I not so-lovingly refer to as Aunt Drama. After reading, you’ll note why the title of this post is self-explanatory. Okay- so Uncle M generally goes to bed about 8:30, and I am left to enjoy my Thursday [...]
In February, my grandma was rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery. I’ll spare you the details, but let’s just say it involved her abdomen. Hard to believe, but just two months later, my mom (grandma’s daughter) was rushed to the same hospital, for the same emergency surgery, performed by the same doctor. And that’s [...]
Dear Mom: There’s something that’s been bothering me for years, and I feel I must get it off my chest following a recent conversation. This week, we were talking about my upcoming vacation. And I couldn’t help but detect a bit of… jealousy? Envy? Resentment? Last I checked, these are inappropriate Mom emotions to hold [...]
Last spring, you may recall that my uncle and his girlfriend become betrothed…. with matching Harley Davidson rings (see Nothin’ says love like Harley Davidson). I must admit, nearly a year later, I’m still scratching my head over this one. Anyway, the good news: the nuptials are happening tomorrow. Much to my dismay, the bride will [...]
OK, so I know I’ve said this before. I don’t want to hear your mindless chatter. If you’re gonna open your mouth, have something meaningful to say. (See Small Talk: Just Say No). But one of the things that really irks my Sass is chatty checkout people. Sure, I don’t mind pleasantries like, “Hello,” “How [...]
Hi boys and girls! Sassy’s here with another important rule of the road: Please use your gestures wisely. I’m not opposed hand waves, dirty looks, yelling – or even the finger – if said gesture is well deserved. These gestures become even more important when your horn is – sadly – broken like mine. However, [...]
Heard at work: Is this your first two on one? Facebook
1. Socially inept husband of mother-in-law says, “I don’t like English language movies” in reference to accent of Sherlock Holmes characters. 2. Toilet seat broken in game of hide-and-seek gone awry among Sassy’s younger cousins. 3. Dad enjoys playing his organ in front of family onlookers. (You’re the one with the dirty mind, not me.) [...]